I wonder if someday I will regret how much time I wasted on the internet when I was young. I wonder how this (my life) will turn out when I’m older, and if my views on life change as I grow up. They probably will.
It’s no secret that I hate the life I’m living right now, but I think the absolutely worst thing about it right now is that I have nothing to do all the time. I mean, not even homework or anything. I did everything already. I spent this evening (just like every other) sitting either in front of the TV or laptop, even though I don’t have school tomorrow. I don’t know what to do with my time and I’m afraid that someday, when I’ve ran out of time, I will regret how many hours of my precious life I wasted alone in my room.
It’s putting me down that I’m just sitting here, not getting any closer to my goals or having fun. You know, it wouldn’t even be half as bad if I had fun being alone. (I do like being alone and having some time for myself at some point but not that much of time.) But my life is no fun at the moment. It’s no fun at all and I wonder when things will begin to change? I see people in school everyday, enjoying their lifes and having friends and whatever, and I’m such an outcast with my friend in the corner of the room, laughing about things that aren’t funny and talking about people who would never want to spend their time with us. Indeed, I’m lucky that I’m not completely alone, but my situation right now isn’t great either.
Also I’ve realized that everyone expects me (us) to be something different, to look a certain way, and all that kind of stuff. I don’t know if you know this situation when everyone seems to be observing your flaws only? And when others do the same “bad” thing as you do, no one even notices? That is what is happening right now to me (us). (When I talk about “us”, I refer to me and my best friend since we’re kind of one person, if you get what I mean.) Everyone is looking at us for some particular reason, everyone is only noticing our flaws. And it’s annoying and stressing me out even more, because I feel like I have to live up to everyone else’s expections; which I don’t do, but you know, I feel the pressure.
The worst thing about this is, because we are the outcasts, everyone feels like they can just do whatever and we have to deal with it. Actually, it’s this way (as an example); someone “lets us know” what we are doing wrong with our make up, we are annoyed and act like that and that certain person feels attacked by us.
See, how I’m putting various subjects in one post?