Social anxiety.

Social Anxiety?

My friend (well, my only friend, just to get this clear) and I might have Social Anxiety.

While we stayed on vacation, we noticed that we were just not talkative at all. It was seriously impossible for us to stay normal and chilled during conversations (with guys obviously). We also noticed that lots of the symptoms for Social Anxiety were accurate for us: shortness of breath, upset stomach, feeling dizzy, etc.

Also, the emotional symptoms are accurate for us aswell:

  • Extreme fear of being watched or judged by others, especially people you don’t know
  • Fear that you’ll act in ways that that will embarrass or humiliate yourself
  • Fear that others will notice that you’re nervous

(from: helpguide.org)

We tried to analyze how this might started off on us, but we found that we’ve always been this way. Since we’ve been friends for almost 10 years by now (with on-and-off-phases though), we’ve always kinda been to ourselves. I mean we never really were “popular”, not even in the slightest. Even in kindergarden and primary school I always had that shyness surrounding me, but I still had friends. They all made the first move, but I, however, did not get nervous or anything around new people.

And thinking back I remember that when I was in 7th and 8th grade I often felt kinda nervous at the first day of school after holidays (e.g. upset stomach) but I ignored that and it went away.

I also remember that in 5th to 6th grade I wasn’t concerned about other people at all (I was friends with all the “ugly girls” back then though), and I hat quite a big ego. Which wasn’t reasonable, but I just didn’t care. I was able to eat in public and I was able to talk in class without feeling weird and all that. *

However, I think that maybe because of that phase my confidence went down a whole bunch: I’ve never really been self-conscious before middle of 7th grade, because that’s when I realized that I really was ugly and it wasn’t just the others being mean (I never got bullied, don’t get me wrong), it was really me being ugly. A problem that had to be solved. So I started putting on make-up, it obviously looked like shit at first but yeah. So I started putting on make-up at 12 (almost 13). Anyway, after that weird phase I got really self-conscious I think. I mean, just overall, I wasn’t happy with myself. That made it even worse. I lost all my outcast friends because I got normal and became friends with the normal people (at 12 1/2).

 

* I don’t know whether I already made a post about that (I guess not) so I’ll just tell you the important stuff to get what I’m talking about. So, in 5th to 8th grade I went through a “weird phase”. By “weird phase” I mean that I was quite ugly with unplucked eyebrows, kinda fat because of eating too much and shitty clothes. It was horrible. I don’t try to say that anyone looks “good” in their younger years, but I wasn’t even “normal-looking”, if you get what I mean. I was just plain ugly, and the worst thing was, I didn’t even realize that. I always felt like I was one of the pretty girls. And I clearly clearly clearly wasn’t.

Now, at 13: I don’t want to sound conceited in any way, I really don’t, but I have to admit that me and my friend are one of those “pretty girls”. We put on make-up (yes, I know, at 13 and 14, feel free to judge us we’re used to it) and everything. We’re trying to reduce it though. Anyway, we’re one of those good-looking girls you would probably call “bitches” if you saw us walking on the streets.

 

Okay, Okay. I’ll stop with the stories now. Let’s get to the actual point of this post.

My friend and I think we have social anxiety because it’s really hard for us to talk to (good-looking) guys. And to new people in general. We’re just bad at making friends and conversations and all that important stuff. And, as previously mentioned, the social anxiety symptoms really fit us and that really scares us. We are thinking about going to the psychologist to get things straight and finding out what really is wrong with us.

 

Yeah. That was a long post.