So I returned from vacation yesterday and I’m already back to life as usual – that means sitting around all day, surfing the internet, watching YouTube-Videos, checking facebook every 5 minutes and iMessaging with my friend.
I hate my life.
That’s not the point of this post, though.
Leaving from vacation always makes me feel kinda philosophical.
Just like long car rides and lying awake in the bed at night. But whatever. You know, because when you leave the hotel and the place of your stay you know that you’re never going back. And even if you would, it wouldn’t be the same. Because, you see people at the hotel and get used to them and everything, but they will leave to and never go back either. And, because you meet people in the town or in the hotel who you will never see again. So even if you returned some day, it wouldn’t be the same.
You meet those people and you make friends with them even though you know that you’re not going to stay forever. Then you leave and miss them at first, but their faces and names fade from your memory just like everything else does and even if you try to hold onto them, they will forget you anyway, and so will you. And maybe, one day you will see them on the streets and won’t recognize them or be like “I know that person from somewhere” but you won’t be able to remember them and you will pass them and forget about it.
Leaving from vacation makes me realize even more that nothing is forever (that sounds so cheesy I can’t even believe I’m saying this, ugh) and that you can never experience the best moments twice (you know, you can’t say “Okay, we will do this again” because it isn’t the same thing the second time). Also, we forget so much. Obviously our brains only hold on to the information that is important in the moment and it makes me sad to know that this world is big enough to lose touch to a person you were once friends with forever. You will never be able to find them. You will forget them and move on.
I hope that made sense. :)
I’m going back to school next week. Kill me.
I feel like it’s time to plan again. I love planning. And organizing. Yeah, that’s weird. I know. However, without plans I’m just kind of lost, you know. I do things without focusing on why I’m doing or what I really want to accomplish.
So here is what I want to get done this year:
- Eat clean(er). This is very important to me because I feel like I’m denying my body the nutrients that it needs and I just think that it’s important to treat your body well because it has a lot of nice side effects like weight loss, nice hair/skin/nails and all that other good stuff that everybody wants.
- Drink more water. I’m quite good at this by now, I always have a water bottle with me but I still aim to drink at least 2l of water a day because it makes me feel a lot better.
- Exercise more regulary. I exercise quite regulary actually, but sometimes I just feel like quitting/skipping a workout, especially when school stresses me out. That’s going to be a tough one, when I have school I never feel like exercising. I guess I just have to make this a habit.
- Improve my grades in school. I’m not a bad student or anything, I, however, am way to quiet to get mostly As or Bs on my report.
- Get flexible. I always admire Yoga Instructors like Tara Stiles for their flexibility and strength. Obviously, I’m never going to be on the same level as her, but I still want to be more flexible.
- Get a job. I just need the money, you know.
- Start going to the gym. I want to get fit. Fit people are hot. ;)
That’s it for the moment, but I sure will be adding to this.
In fact, the most essential question ever. (Yeah, it’s me philosophizing late at night. Maybe that isn’t the best idea.)
What is the meaning in life? Why do we exist? Where does everything makes sense, where does it make “click” in our heads? Where is the solution to this question, a question humans have been asking since the beginning of time?
I obviously don’t know.
At some point, I do believe that every living piece on this earth exists to propagate its species so it doesn’t become extinct. And we all are nothing more but a part of an “experiment” by a force bigger and more powerfull than we all could ever imagine. (No, I’m not in any way talking about God.) What if all those chliche meanings of life like “live your dream”; “do whatever you want” and etc. things are just thoughts sent by that force to distract us from the obvious?
‘Wouldn’t that be a little too easy though?’, you ask. Because that would mean that we only exist to fuck us from one human being to another.
Well, that’s what most people do anyway.
In the end, I think this is my point of view right now. All these chliche sayings keep us from going insane because if you really think about it, there is no meaning to live. We die anyway. Sooner or later, everything you have accomplished will be forgotten.
That’s the point. Even if you did something “big”, one day our species will become extinct and that’s when your “big acts” will die, too.
I’m not trying to tell you to jump off a cliff because we die anyway, I’m trying to tell you that the chliche sayings are nothing but bullshit.
I know, I already posted something like that. I just thought I’d explain what I meant a little more detailed.
I believe everything happens for a reason because I don’t think anything happens “just like that”. I mean, do you think earth was created just like that? Also, every animal species has some kind of task to do (e.g: spiders catch insects and so on), so those obviously aren’t on earth out of no where.
So why should it be different with us? I don’t believe it is. I believe that us being on earth and us living our lives the way we do has a reason and that “someone” (not God, at least not in my eyes) controlls what happens. And I believe that special “someone” also controlles how our lives go off. I think that with everything that happens, we learn a new lesson and become wiser. You become wiser and learn a new lesson once you’ve found out what the reason was.
At least that’s how I feel. I mean, I know I talk alot about my non-existing social life, but it’s getting serious.
I sit at home all day and do homework or read idiotic E-Books, and if I don’t do that, I hang out with my best friend. And I’m bored all the time. Even with her.
And that’s so annoying. I just feel like I’m wasting my time but at the same time, I don’t know what else to do. It’s not like I have loads of chances and I’m just not taking them, it’s like I don’t get any chances to do anything new or exciting.
I’m always waiting for something. When I’m at school, I’m waiting for it to end. When I’m home, I’m waiting for the evening to watch TV. While watching TV, I’m waiting for the day to end. I’m waiting for the weekend, I’m waiting for the new week to start. I’m waiting for something to change everything, for something that will make my life more interesting, even though I know it’s never coming. I know life is not going to hit me in the face one day and everything will suddenly get better. I have to make it better. And if I knew how, I’d already been doing it. But I don’t know how. So I’m stuck between being too young to do anything and afraid to waste too much time and being too old to do anything.
I don’t know why I’m waiting or what I’m waiting for. I just know that I’m waiting for something which will never come itself.
And I don’t know what to do anymore.
It’s annoying me so much. Everyone else is always doing something, always hanging around with others and never bored. And all I do is hang around all day. I have no stories to tell. Everyone else has hundreds.
What is wrong with me? :O
Okay, so you’ve probably read that post were I was talking about changing schools with my old friend? Well, we’re not going to do it. It won’t work out, because we can’t change schools together, which was what we had planned actually.
You know, it’s quite hard to change schools with another person at the same time. Especially because we wanted to get into the same class.
So I (we) need a new plan to meet new people.
And we have no idea how to do that.
No, it’s nothing interesting.
I want to post in spanish aswell. You know, like I write my post in English first and then “translate” it into Spanish. I find that posting in a certain language obviously increases your skills. And since I really have to work on my Spanish (I don’t suck at it, but in my opinion you can never really learn a language in school) I think it’s a good idea to start doing that in my next post.
Most of you hopefully know what Tumblr is. If not, google it or whatever.
I’ve had tumblr blogs for approx. 2 years by now. And I think that it’s time to at least deactivate my blogs on there.
Tumblr isn’t the right place to “express myself” because the only thing I really do there is reblogging pictures. And whatever is pictured in those images is what I want to do / experience / buy. It’s like in high school where those clique-y girls define what’s cool and what not. You know, there are pictures of Hollister Jeans and Apple Products and I’m like: “Oh that’s sooo cool, I want that!”. And I kind of emulate those people who took the pictures.
Besides, tumblr holds me back from real life. I spent almost the whole summer holidays 2010 at home, on my laptop. And I’d keep reblogging pictures without even noticing how much time I was wasting. (It got so bad that my mom forced me to go outside with her but I was so pissed off that she gave up…) I really spent my life behind my computer and I began to make new friends, “online friends”. One of them became one of my closest friends, I’d even prefer her over my real life best friend. It was really weird. I was basically living on tumblr, I’d have my friends there and everything. And I just don’t want to let that happen again.
Tumblr will be the end of your social life. Seriously. You will lose most of your friends because the only thing you’re going to do is blog. You will end behind your laptop in summer, just like me. You will waste lots of time and then, a year or two later, you will realize what you did and regret every second of it.
I’m not joking, seriously.
Drake was right with what he said about tumblr. (Read it here.)
Some of you may know, as I’ve been talking about it a few times on other posts, that I’m actually trying to get healthy / fit.
Well, lately I’ve been quite discouraged to be honest. Most of time, it isn’t that hard for me to get back on track (workout-wise) but this time, it’s really hard. I just don’t feel like working out. But it’s not a one day thing like most of us get from time to time.
I’ve come to the realization that I don’t want to take care of my health. I mean I obviously want to be healthy and stuff, but I don’t want to be known as the “healthy” girl who always skips McDonald’s and lives at the gym. I feel like with 13 there’s no need to get crazy over nutrition and exercise. I’ll just try my best to eat less and then see what I want to do in the future. I mean there’s always time to get healthy and fit. But right now, I don’t want to worry about that.
That’s it actually.
As you may know from reading this post, I’m very unhappy with my current social situation. I have 3 friends right now and that’s it. No one else I could meet up with, no one else I could talk to about problems I might get in the future.
Right now, I’m kinda having a tough time with my best friend (she sometimes annoys the shit out of me) and the other friend I’ve listed up is more like a close acquaintance and not a real friend. So that leaves me with exactly one friend, one I’ve known since kindergarten.
She has a similiar problem and we’ve been talking and just hanging out together during the past two weeks or so (which left my current best friend jealous… as if we were in a relationship and I was cheating on her or something. My God, she’s so exaggerating.)
However, we’ve decidided to change schools because we want change. We both don’t like our year at school at all and there’s no one we’d want to be friends with. Also we didn’t want to join a sports club because usually, there aren’t the kind of people you’re looking for. Changing schools is the only real option we have.
And I’m scared, actually. I mean, I’m scared that they don’t like us (me) and we’re kind of left alone all over again. I’m scared they of what they might think of me when we first step into the classroom. I’m scared that it all gets worse and when my old classmates / best friend ask me how it is, I’d have to reply “Oh, well, it isn’t as good as we expected it to be”. I guess it’s normal to be scared at first, still, it’s a huge step. Also, my best friend will be so pissed off because I’m kind of leaving her behind with my old friend from kindergarten and primary school who she’s been jealous of for so long.
But we’ve made this decision already and since there’s no other option, I’m going to have to take this chance and make lots of new friends. I hope it works out the way we’ve planned it.