First of all, I want to list all of them so you can get an idea about how fucked up my life is:
- I don’t have any friends / a boyfriend.
- My body (and appearance in general).
- My shyness and “pokerface” which make me seem like an arrogant bitch. (There even is a chance that my friend and I have Social Anxiety.)
- Not being talkative or out-going.
- My school.
And this is what I’m constantly thinking about / what surrounds me everyday. I go to bed every day and my last thought is dedicated to those problems and when I wake up in the morning the first thing that comes to my mind is what needs to be done today to solve those.
Since me and my friend are in this together, we’ve made up a plan to get a better life in general, and our whole friendship consists of solving those problems. And it really annoys me because that is what my whole life is about. There is nothing that I look forward to (expect the future), it’s only me and all those problems the whole time. My friend and I only talk about that and when we spend time together, those problems are always the subject of the conversation (if we even have one, because most of the time we’re just bored and don’t do anything).
There isn’t anything seriously positive in my life. I know people say that bad phases don’t last forever, but this phase has lasted for months now and I wonder when it is time for the happyness to come back again? I mean, real happyness. (Because on vacation, we both were happy and that’s why we both miss being on vacation soso much.)
I don’t know how to deal with this because even if we follow our “plan” to solve out the problems, that doesn’t mean everything gets better. Since you cannot plan life, I don’t know what will happen and whether we follow the plan because not even that is a sure thing these days.
I’m quite depressed lately.
That’s why I’m eating so much too.